Binge

I have just binged non-stop. What is wrong with me. I think it's because I ate at a restaurant earlier today (had a date) - eating early on always sets me up for failure. I can't even purge it now, cause my mom is next door and the walls are pretty thin. I am SO hungry. I have even planned to go for pizza with a friend tomorrow (the one I'm going on holiday with). The holiday is only 1 day away..Im feeling pretty excited, but also worried. Also, I wasnt too pleased after my date experience today, so perhaps thats why im in a binge mood. I just want everything. I plan on having a starter tomorrow, pizza, and desert. I probably wont even want it all, but I just want to get it out of the way, so to speak. Then I will restrict, restrict, restrict and gain my control back. I dont know..I need something to motivate me and pick me back up.

I've developed a mark/calluse on my knuckle from purging. I hope it's not too obvious to people, especially to the friend I'm going on holiday with (the one who's bulimic). Lets call her M. I wonder whether these things are obvious to me because I know the signs, or whether it's just obvious to the general public.